I wasn't doing to well.
The anniversary of my father's death was quickly approaching, and it was dragging all of the other icky memories of 2013 along with it.
I didn't realize I was crying.
The pain was soul crushing and there wasn't enough wine in the bottle to drown it out. I was alone in my room, and I was in despair. In that space, in that moment. I didn't want to do anything--breathing was too laborious in that moment.
I kept thinking... What if I just stopped? What if I just walked away from it all? I pulled out my laptop and posted that thought on facebook. Walking away seemed to be the very best idea I've come up with in a long time, so I did. I deactivated my facebook and twitter accounts in a minute flat. Deactivating instagram proved to difficult for my wine addled brain to handle so I said fuck it, I just won't post on it. Then I fell into a coma like sleep.
I woke up the next day around noonish, and my phone was buzzing like crazy. I'd upset a few people with my decision to walk away from social media. (I do regret that, didn't mean to upset anyone) But, sober Julia was just as sure about the decision of walking away as tipsy Julia. I was the fuck done, or so I thought.
I was grieving, and trying to become a better person, and struggling horribly, and it was evident on my timeline and twitter news feed.
Julia no longer wanted to be obese
Julia wanted to strengthen her spiritual walk
Julia wanted to become more responsible
Julia wanted to grow up
I realized that I couldn't accomplish any of that to my satisfaction if I was plugged into the matrix 24/7
Soooooo I took the Red Pill. I stood by my decision to stay disconnected, and decided to work on me. Then the other shoe dropped. MY READERS STARTED REACHING OUT TO ME. I started to receive heartfelt emails, and letters, and post cards. They weren't asking for news on the latest release. They were sending prayers and well wishes. They assured me that I was loved and my presence was missed, and it all brought tears to my eyes... I mean this was tear jerking stuff.
So I came back to instagram. (The dang thing never deactivated anyway) I told all who cared to know why I left social media, and then I got busy with the business of living.
A few more readers reached out to me, and I love them for it. (I never knew that I affected so many people) My mother read a few of the letters and proposed that I reactivate my fan page on facebook. I was afraid to do this. I was making rel strides in becoming the Julia I wanted to be. I mean I am in no way whole, or truly healed (it's only been a month), but I am on the right track, and feeling good about my decisions, so I didn't want to go backwards.
Soooo momma said...
"If you don't want to go backwards, keep marching forward, but have a way to respond to the people who read and love your work. Have a way to tell them thank you, and keep them informed about the things you're working on."
Extra long story short. I reactivated my fan page.
I am still writing, still working out, still seeking God, still living, and apparently still being read!
THANK YOU
TO ALL THE JULIA PRESS SIMMONS READERS
YOU ALL ARE STILL MY DREAM COME TRUE
Until next time
Julia
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