On dating and Pain

 Dating!


So I cannot stress how much getting involved with someone romantically is not on my radar... I'm not looking and actively turning down advances of men who are looking...

(mainly because my issues have issues.... see the part about pain below)

That being said, if you approach me right and respectively and are persistent in your quest to get to no me. I'll go on a date with you.  I'll be 34 next week and I've learned that there is really nothing wrong with dating a man... a date is not a long termed commitment or even the start of one... it's simply good food, good company, and good conversation...

 But this dude took the cake.

He was nice... chivalrous... charming... and a pig! Sheesh... you can not touch me without me giving you leave to do so, Sir. You cannot consume 4 beers on a date and then decide it's time to get naked in your car... You cannot then insult me and say that I am bitter because I can resist your sloppy advances... smh


I am not apt to go on another date for a long while... these dudes are making me rather gun-shy!


 Pain!



It starts in my toes. My middle toe sticks straight up in the air as to say fuck you Julia and then my muscles lock from hip to ankle in my left leg.

I take this in stride...

I reach down and gently message the muscles of my legs until they ease just a bit. Then in a sickening waive of pain muscles in my right leg spasm and contract. My arms go numb and slices of pain trail my shoulders. I holler out. My mom rushes into my room.

Her mere presence calms me.

She holds and rocks me and tries to work out the tension in my muscles.
I was up half the night. I drugged myself to sleep.

I woke up sore thinking my body hates me... and I laugh at the absurdity of that statement... It was me who declared war on myself for twenty odd years...
           Abusive relationships ... check
           Self neglect ... check check
           Depression/Overeating/Lack of Exersize ... check check check


Changing all that is paramount!